What's better than a day off to honor MLK? Shiiiiitttt...a special episode of those mother fucking jerk offs from the Jersey Shore bitches!!!! Last week looked like it set the tone for this weeks episodes. What's the worst that could happen right? A ton of shit. That's what.
Ho's before Bro's:
Sammi is now second guessing Ronni after he basically told her to go "fuck herself," last week. Wouldn't you if your fucking girlfriend kept playing victim and didn't let you be yourself? All of the sudden, Sammi "the bitch" is giving Gorilla Ronni the guilt trip on how she lost her roommates as friends. Bitch, do you realize what you are saying right now? I hope JWOWW kicks your ass. This time, it ain't gonna be no draw. Don't try to flip the shit and convince yourself that it was ho's before bro's. You were looking for a boyfriend the moment you set foot in that goddamn house. Bitch. If there is one thing I hate, it's how whiny bitches like this, love to flip shit around and all of the sudden make it the guys fault. Weren't you the same dumb ass broad that took back the guy that was hooking up with those fat bitches in Miami while you two were still together? Don't hate the player, hate the game bitch. No one said you didn't have to be friends with the other girls. That's just you being a big fucking baby. Women love their drama.
Snooki the Desperate:
Drunk. Incoherent. Inebriated. Fucking desperate. First you eat a goddamn raw potato and say, "It wasn't so bad." Damn bitch, not only did that fifth of vodka make your fat ass hungry as fuck, but it made you really fucking horny too. So horny you basically told Vinny you wanted to go upstairs and have him fuck you into major paralysis and possible coma. Word to the wise here, chubby bunny: No sober man wants to bone a completely fucking drunk girl. I don't care how desperate the dude is or how magical that pussy is. Now, fucking a chick that's had 2 or 3 cocktails...where do I drop my goddamn pants to get on with the fucking? But a woman completely shit faced? No can do.
Vinny played gentleman and did the right thing. He nicely declined that melon pussy and went straight to bed. But since we all know Snooki is a crazy bitch that loves cock, she proceeds to sneak into Vinny's room and give him dome. The best part about this particular encounter, is what Vinny said...something along the lines of "how his dick was growing like a fucking beanstalk, then as soon as he started to smell the booze ooze off of Snooki, his dick went from "hello" to "good-fucking-bye"." Any woman that makes a man get whiskey dick when he's completely sober, needs to get slapped in the face and kicked in the vagina. That shit ain't right. Turn-on FAIL.
The Dee-some:
Threesome? Negative. Dee-some? Do you have a choice in that matter? Once again, "The Situation" got himself into a not-so-hot situation. You were right in saying that it's every mans dream to have a threesome with two other chicks. No doubt. But fuck man, you were about to have a threesome with two fucking overly tanned oompa loompa's. I don't give a fuck how drunk I am, if two annoying bitches like that offer me the opportunity to fuck both of them at the same time...my ass better be blacked the fuck out or in a goddamn coma. But for guys like you, it's not about quality, it's about quantity. Snooki, being the dumb drunk bitch that she always is, chucks up the deuces and isn't having none of it. Lucky for you, Deena is still fair game. I mean, she has something to prove right? Considering you dissed her ass like a bad habit last week. I have never witnessed one woman throw her pussy at one individual so many times and get denied. It's fucking amazing, actually.
So there you are with big titty Deena. In a bed. Clothes on. Talking. More like, Deena talking and you hoping the bitch shuts up and just sucks your cock. You pulled the right move by attempting to make out with her. Unfortunately, she's just too fucking annoying and not drunk enough to just shut her mouth, suck on your yam bag and let you bone her for crying out loud. I guess you need to answer those 10 questions she asked, before she lets any dick pile drive that pussy, huh? That's borderline teasing man.
Hey Deena, has your dumb ass realized why you haven't had sex in months? For fuck's sake, shut your fucking mouth, spread your legs and just let the guy nail you until you're crippled. Don't lay in bed with the fucker and start asking goddamn interview questions you stupid bitch. For fuck's sake woman, he isn't applying for a job at Google. Enough with the fucking inquisition already. **For you jack asses that don't know what "inquisition" means, look that shit up. Thanks!
Tell me what you know:
Someone please give Ronni a mind condom because he's being mind fucked! Again, I don't like to waste much of my time on these two sad fucks only because, well, they are exactly that...sad fucks. Hey Sammi, Miami was a year ago, right? So why the fuck are you bringing up old shit? Man, for as many times as you fucking cry and whine about shit, I'm surprised Ronni hasn't thrown your ass down the goddamn stairs. You just can't let shit go, huh? The mother fucker has gazed at your ass in a bedroom for 3 straight weeks. What the fuck do you need him to tell you? You would think for as much time as you mother fuckers spend together in a bedroom, you would have talked about everything. From what your favorite food is, to if dinosaurs really did fucking exist. Shut up bitch. Please. I'm begging you. I can't take this shit anymore.
The apology:
You saw it. I saw it. Sammi apologized to Snooki and Deena. I will say this for the 10th time today...I hope JWOWW kicks your fucking ass. Such a two-faced bitch. Sorry my ass. The only thing that will be sorry is gonna be that doctor that's gonna have to remove that Lee Press-on nail that's gonna be lodged in your ass from JWOWW beating it so hard.
Dancing's my calling:
6 minutes 53 seconds in to arriving at Karma, Deena fell off one of those stripper stage platforms 10 times, ate shit another 3 times then flashed her cooter once. From the time you left the beach house to the time you arrived at the club, what the fuck did you drink bitch to get that fucking wasted? Really? 6 minutes, 53 seconds? Wow. FYI - you dance like a goddamn baby giraffe learning how to walk. Not pretty.
Both of you...SHUT THE FUCK UP:
Ronni and Sammi have to be the most fucked up relationship the world has ever seen. Well, besides Ike and Tina. If you fucking people want to learn how to have a dysfunctional relationship, watch these two mother fuckers. One day, you both hate each other. The next day, you fucking love each other. The day after, someone is lying. The day after that, you'll die for each other. Four days after that day, mother fuckers are cheating. Seven days after the day you vowed to jump off a cliff together, you fuckers need alone time. Now you're both wasted and are sharing a laugh together. Smoochy smoochy, lovey dovey.
Fuck both of you. I hope you two love birds get hit by a goddamn lightening bolt and turn into a fucking cyclops. Assholes.
What drinking problem:
It ain't even 11am and this bitch Snooki is wasted. Not buzzed. Not drunk. Fucking wasted. She's on the clock, at work, and is running around the goddamn boardwalk looking for booze like a hooker looking for cock. If there is one thing we've all learned from this 4'9" linebacker from Jersey, it's that when she's fucking drunk, the bitch becomes clueless. To EVERYTHING.
How in the world do you run along the beach and ask someone where the fuck the beach is? Hey drunk ass, you see that white shit that looks like blow? Yeah, they call that sand. Sand equals beach. Dumb shit. And what is up with her almost running into the ocean with her big ass purse? I don't even have a response to that because I don't even know how to make that shit sound funny.
Could any of you imagine if JWOWW and big titty Deena weren't there to save her? That chubby ass bitch would have ran into the ocean with her purse thinking she was on a yacht. How that would cross her drunk ass mind, I have no clue. What else would that bitch be thinking. I mean, the broad was running along the goddamn sand and asked some dude where the beach was...as she was fucking facing it. I can't make this shit up.
Kudos to fucking Pacific Blue for arresting her ass. Give a drunk bitch an inch, they'll take a mile. Bravo officers of the law. The only question I have is, why did it take like four of you mother fuckers to arrest her though? That bitch was so drunk I think she had sand in her mouth. Looked like she ate one of those big ass sugar donuts.
Drinking is cool but damn Snooki, wait til it's at least lunch time. You fucking bum.
There you have it. Mother fuckers got drunk, arrested, argued, apologized and tickled some taint in the process. The next episode shouldn't be any different. These cats from Jersey are some funny and stupid mother fuckers. If you don't agree, stop drinking the Kool-Aid.
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