No time for the funny bullshit introduction. Time to review Episode 4 regarding my mother fucking overly tanned peeps from the Jersey Shorrrrrrrrrrreeeee.
The day after the arrest:
You got a DIP (Drunk In Public) and now you are a changed woman? Stop bullshitting yourself Fatty Magee, about how this is a wake up call and your life is about to drastically change. The day you stop drinking, is the day I'll stop having sex. Ain't gonna happen little lady. The problem you have is that you drink like alcohol is about to go fucking extinct. The booze ain't going anywhere, so why drink it like you're running a 40-yard dash for time? Apparently Miss Snooki is blaming the crazy drinking on some dude. Yeah, I've heard that one before. Does this mean you'll be blaming that extra 20 pounds on fame and fortune too? Control yourself bitch. You need to get laid ASAP so you can put more cock in your mouth and less cock-tails. Real talk.
Doppelganger Ronni:
Hey, when I saw this dude that looked like Ronni, I almost fucking died. LOL! I mean, the fucking dude actually looked like he came out of the same vagina Gorilla Ronni did. A-MAY-ZING! From the dancing to the whole fucking demeanor, Doppelganger Ronni could have fooled the entire country. What I was really hoping for was he pull the switch-a-roo and get into Sammi's bed and slip it in real quick. Knowing that bitch Sammi though, she probably has a big ass shield on that angry vagina. It's all good Doppelganger, at least you got to suck face with Big Titty Deena and flick her bead. Thumbs up big guy!
Deena the Wingman:
This bitch annoyed me up until I saw her go out with M.V.P. Once I saw her inviting other chicks to take shots from her body then make out with her, I gotta say, I was fucking impressed. Sure the chicks she was making out with looked like they got slapped with the goddamn ugly stick, but the fact that she just turned another woman into a bi-sexual on the spot...how could you not love this whore. Even better...she didn't hate on M.V.P. once. Any chick that doesn't hate while going out with the boys is a fucking winner in my book. Ladies, take notes on that shit.
Sammi...still a hater:
Sammi, Sammi, Sammi. I thought I would never say this on my blog. Let alone on a Jersey Shore review. But you know what Sammi...you're a fucking CUNT. Yup, that's right. You are a big ass cunt that hates on everyone and needs to get either thrown off the balcony or tossed in the ocean. Soon. Your roommates hate you. The nation hates you. MTV fucking hates you. My mom who doesn't even know what the Jersey Shore is hates you. Just leave bitch so we can actually enjoy watching 60 minutes of the show and not 35.
That Kettle is definitely BLACK:
Just when I was wanting you to beat the shit out of Sammi you go and do this. You become a typical fucking hypocrite. Lets not forget - a bitch, slut and fuck face. You probably don't think it's bad that while your boyfriend's at home you can just talk to a dude you're attracted to. Girls love to say that shit is ok. Fuck that. If that shit was flipped the other way around, all hell would break loose. JWOWW, if you're unhappy bitch, just break up with your fucking boyfriend. I don't know about you or anyone else but, "alone time" to me means it's time to break the fuck up and not worry about some mother fucker getting mad at me for talking to anybody. Trying to have your cake and eat it too is gonna bite you in those big ass titties you got really, really hard. You talk all this shit to Sammi about Ronni and look at what you're doing. So what you're not hooking up with that big ass douche bag. You're on his nuts so bad that you mine as well fuck him. It's the same shit bitch.
Pinot's ok, right:
Snooki gets out of the drunk tank, she's a changed women. Doesn't drink for 2 days, she's blessed by Jesus. Here comes day 3 of no drinking and all of the sudden she's trying to fucking rationalize with bitch ass JWOWW on boozing again. "Pinot's ok, right? Pregnant women drink Pinot, right?" No bitch. Pregnant women drink Pinot because before their ass got fucking knocked up, you know what they were doing? Drinking. Drinking Pinot, cocktails and shots. All the shit you do, but on a much lower level. Add in some fucking sex, and you have yourselves a goddamn party. This comes back to what I was saying earlier lunch box...boozing ain't bad if you don't drink it like it's going out of fucking style. Pace yourself so you don't have to run into this problem ever again. What am I saying...bitch, just drink and whatever happens, happens. Quit whining like Sammi.
Yeah he left, AND took the bed:
You ain't so bad ass now, huh JWOWW? The guy you like to call ASSHOLE left you along with the two dogs back at the pad. What's even better, the mother fucker took your favorite watch, hard drive, cash and the best part....THE BED. The dude took the fucking bed. That's how much he hates your ass. I have hated some bitches but not enough to take the goddamn bed with me. Wow. Was it worth it? Was it worth trying to be some bad ass bitch and lead your boyfriend on? You couldn't just have broken up with him and make a clean break could you? Hell nah...you had to act like you ran the shit. Look where it got you. Broke, watchless, hard driveless and a floor sleeping mother fucker. That's a damn shame.
Could the drama get better next week? It's the Jersey Shore...of course it can.
No comments:
Post a Comment