In our 5th installment of this seasons "Jersey Shore," the comedy, drama, shouting matches and sexual encounters were again, no surprise to the viewers. This is what Reality TV is about right? So lets review the shit that went down, shall we?
Bitch is PSYCHO:
"Don't you, touch anybody!!!" Famous words from our girl, Sammi. We are FIVE episodes in and every time I see this bitches antics, I seriously want to throw a fucking glass at my television screen. Sammi is the epitome of every crazy bitch that has ever walked on this earth. I'm serious. I mean, calling her a goddamn headcase is being nice. Calling her crazy isn't even touching the surface. Calling this broad fucking psycho is probably the next best thing. I just wish someone in the fucking house would sack up and throw this bitch in the ocean already. I really do. The world was cheering when Ronni basically told her she was a piece of shit and to get the fuck out of dodge. That didn't sit well with Crazy Spice because she greeted her man with a nice straight right to the fucking jaw. Ouch! The Jersey Shore was going to be back to normal again, without the drama...well, without Sammi. Until the roommates felt guilty and actually talked her out of leaving. Oh, and bitch ass Ronni too. I just want to let you know Sammi, the world still fucking hates you. And Ronni, you're a little bitch. Grow a sack.
Dude, are you crying??:
"Your tears don't mean shit to me!" Those were the words Ronni used when he basically told Sammi to get the fuck out and go back home. Those words just bit you in the ass, didn't they? I have never seen a grown man cry like a little bitch. Especially, over a woman that is making his life miserable. Remember when we saw a glimpse of the old Ronni this season? The fun Ronni. The grenade jumping Ronni. The Ronni that would get so drunk that he would dance with his eyes closed, Ronni. I don't think we are ever going to see that man ever again. You wanna know why? Because he's too busy fucking crying over a bitch that America wants to see get hit by a double decker bus. Thanks fucker for giving us false hope.
Sound the HORN:
Let this be a reminder to any grenade that sets foot inside the Seaside house. Actually, let this be a reminder to any of you ugly people that set foot in any house.
Here we go again...FUCK:
Ronni and Sammi back together again. For like the 1,000th fucking time. I hope the both of you kill each other...on purpose. Your relationship is like a serious meth addiction. You can't stay away from it, even though it's bad for you. Why is it that the longest relationships are sometimes the most fucked up? No joke. Ronni and Sammi have been dating since Season 1. So basically, a little over 2 years. And over that 2 year span, they have been fucking miserable. But those two love birds are still together. How that's possible, is fucking way beyond my ass. That much I know. I don't want to dive into this much deeper, only because writing anything more would mean I care. So I'll leave it like this - Ronni, you're a little crying bitch and Sammi, you're still a cunt. Please note: I will only use the term CUNT when Sammi's name is mentioned. That's how much that bitch annoys me.
Deena the Salad Tosser:
Look, tickling a dudes asshole with your finger is one thing. Tickling a dudes asshole with your tongue is another. Truth or not, Deena got called out for tossing fucking salad. I knew this bitch was kinky when she showed "The Situation" her cooter on the first day of living in the house. Any bitch that does that to a dude she doesn't know, is not only down to fuck, but is down to probably lick some asshole too. I'm still on the fence about whether she did it or not. But I'm convinced she loves to lick ass. No doubt. However, I do give kudos to asshole eater Deena, for at least telling Doppelganger Ronni that he shouldn't be running his mouth. I mean, do you think people wouldn't look at you funny? If my buddy told me that some chick ate his asshole out, I would probably want to punch him in the face. Just for the mere fact that he actually let some chick eat his ass out. Then kissed her after. What's worse, having a girl swallow your baby juice then kissing her OR having a girl lick your asshole after you knew you've had diarrhea all day then kissing her? Yeah, fucking thought so.
Kiss and Make Up:
People are starting to have a fucking conscience on the Jersey Shore or something. JWOWW and Sammi made up? Sammi doesn't have an evil bone in her body after one day? What the fuck is going on here? Where is the drama gonna come from now? M.V.P. are the only guys that keep shit real in the house. We all know that won't change. Wait, is MTV trying to lead us on? This whole "everyone getting along" shit needs to stop and something needs to go down. JWOWW needs to fuck Ronni so we can see another brawl. Snooki needs to catch Deena giving Vinny a blowjob in the living room so we can see best friends collide. "The Situation" needs to contract some sort of STD so we can see him actually breakdown. Yeah, that's what we need to start seeing. None of this "no more drama" bullshit.
What is going down in Episode 6? You would think America would embrace everyone getting along but that doesn't get ratings. What gets ratings are bitches fighting, people getting drunk and everyone having sex. 2 out of the 3 will always be there. We need that third one to come back. We need these bitches to start fighting again. Less Ronni and Sammi, more JWOWW and Sammi. Ding, Ding bitches. Ding, Ding.
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