I don't even need to say anything about Episode 7. Just read what the fuck I wrote and that should be enough. Ronni and Sammi just need to both fucking die already. I'm dead serious too. Crazy mother fuckers.
A Serious Situation:
What's that? Mike's stirring up shit? What else is new right? Be friends with Ronni to his face, then console crazy Cunt Sammi (yes, I said cunt once again) when she's down in the dumps. You almost want to hate "The Situation" for pulling a "Captain Save a Ho," but why? The dude is just looking to be known as the Peacemaker. No harm, no foul. Shit just ain't right when you try to pull that stunt when Twat Face Ronni (yes, I said twat...that makes it two weeks in a row) is in the other room probably thinking of ways to kill you in your sleep. Ronni's one of those cats that is definitely bi-polar. This dude is worse than 10 woman locked in one room with their period. I wouldn't fucking lie about shit like this. I know Mike means well and is just looking out for everybody but, you keep this shit up, your ass will be on a goddamn fucking milk carton my friend.
The High Road:
Looks like playing the good guy didn't pay off for Mike. Or did it? Ronni's period cramps shot through the fucking roof over this Sammi thing, and it was time to use Mike's face as a goddamn punching bag. Ronni was ready to fuck shit up, but "The Situation" avoided an ass kicking by taking the high road and talking shit out. And for what it's worth, Mike is good at avoiding shit like this. You know, talking yourself out of getting your fucking ass kicked by a 200+ lb. buff wolverine that has taken the term "bi-polar" to new levels? Yeah, that type of avoidance. Kudos to the guy for admitting he fucked up and actually ending things on a good note. However, we all know that America was anticipating some shit to go down and a very ugly scene to unfold. Looks like Ronni will have to wait patiently to show how much he hates being on his period again. Man, that dude is such a fucking twat face.
DAMN...AGAIN?!:
You guys wanna know what a really fucked up relationship sounds like? See below.
"You do you, I'll do me?" "Cry some more tears, Niagra Falls!" "Watch the way you talk to me!" "Fuck you, you douche bag!" "I got the smush room tonight, I'm fucking some broad." "I'm over it." "I'm over you bitch." "Please, go live your life." "Fuck you, you fucking fuck!" "Don't ever touch my shit!" "I hate you!!" "I want nothing to do with you." "I'll put your shit on fire, bitch!!" "I hate you more than I've ever hated anyone in my entire life!" "Stop you psycho!!!!!" "Stay away from me you fucking psycho!!!!!!" "I hate you. I hate you. I hate you." "I'm gonna fuck the shit out of you, bitch!!" "Get the fuck out of here you fucking bitch!" "Good, because I've never liked you." "That's why I cheated on you in Miami." "You useless whore!!" "I got girls cooking me dinner bitch." "Useless spoiled bitch!!" "You don't deserve me." "I hate you!! Fuck you!!" "Fuck this bitch." "You put your hands on me? You put your hands on me? I'll fucking show you." "Sleep on the porch." "Bitch. Bitch. Fucking bitch." "You're a slut." "Stupid bitch." "All my stuff is ruined." "You did me wrong tonight." "You fucking disrespected me in my face." "This is not okay." "You embarrassed ME tonight." "No, you embarrassed ME tonight." "Enough is enough." "What are you looking for?" "Get the fuck out of my face." "You can dance with a guy in front of me like that?" "You fucking idiot." "You're a piece of shit." "At least I had some fucking respect to do it when I'm not around." "That's not fucking love." "You disgust me in so many ways."
After reading that, you probably asked yourself, 1) Damn, did I just get a goddamn headache?, 2) Do people actually fucking talk like that to one another?, 3) Did I just read "fuck you," "bitch" and "I hate you" every other word?
My answer - YES, YES you did!
Note to self: If you want to completely fail in any relationship, use words such as, "fuck you", "bitch", "I hate you" and "slut" several times in a 12 hour period to the person you're dating. I'm pretty sure you'll succeed.
Dear Ronni, Seek Help:
"That's a break-up right there." Damn straight Mike. Damn fucking straight that's a break-up.
I don't know about anybody else but, if I lived in a house and watched a muscle shark guido single-handedly go ape shit on his girlfriends belongings, the first thing I would probably say to myself is, "That mother fucker is crazy and needs some goddamn help. His ass probably needs to find God too."
Hey man, this fucking dude is seriously goddamn crazy. I thought that bitch Sammi was crazy...nah, this mother fucker takes the goddamn cake of craziness. I mean, who the fuck does that? Who goes Tazmanian fucking Devil on someones shit and thinks it's ok? That's right...crazy mother fuckers like Ronni do. I get the dude was angry but fuck man...you put this bitches bedroom outside. LITERALLY. You also broke shit. Even the crazy broads reading glasses. Ronni, you were angry enough to break the bitches reading glasses. Reading glasses bro. You went out of your way to break the shit that makes her able to read shit. Wow. You are one of a kind you crazy bastard. I would call you a twat again but that's being way too fucking nice. You are one of those dudes that should be put in your own sane asylum. And when I say "your own," I mean just you mother fucker. No one else around you. That's how fucking crazy you are. You give fucking adults nightmares. Sick son of a bitch!
J....WOWW:
One word: SLUT. Two words: Hard-ON. Three words: Thank you, woman.
Snooki and Deena's Observation:
Looks like the first male camel toe has been discovered by who else? Snooki and Deena. I'm glad MTV turned the camera's away from Cunt and Twat Spice for 2 minutes and focused their attention on someone else. Who better than Snooki and Deena. Oh, and that tool bag with the tight ass neon green shorts with a little dick. Talk about uncomfortable. Dude basically got called the fuck out for having a man camel toe and a cock the size of a goddamn infant. That shit was harsh but funny as fuck. Talk about your manhood being taken away from you. If I was that dude, I would seriously go home and kill myself. Tight, neon green shorts with a side of male camel toe is no way to fucking live. That whole "cool, retro look" bullshit you just tried to pull...BACKFIRED, miserably. Big ups to Dooki (Deena and Snooki...you like that, huh)!
"You're leaving? What did I do?":
You fucking serious you bi-polar carpet muncher? You actually asked Sammi, what you did and why she's leaving? On top of that, you wanted to give this crazy bitch a hug? Wait, what the fuck is going on here? Guys, seeing the end of this episode solidifies that Ron-Ron is in fact, a CRAZY MOTHER FUCKER! I thought I dated some crazy bitches in my lifetime but you my friend, are just goddamn crazy bro. You do realize you and Sammi don't get along until something over the top happens, right? Not to mention your open dialogue usually contain, but are not limited to, "fuck you", "bitch", "slut", "cunt", "asshole", "whore"...should I keep going? Hey dick fuck, you went out of your way to basically break and damage everything this broad owns in a matter of an hour. Even her reading glasses. That shit is just low bro. You actually have the fucking nerve asking her, "What did I do?" Wow. Check that fucking brain of yours because it functions like a goddamn retarded, autistic serial killer. Real talk.
Is this the end of Ron-Ron and Sammi Spice? America hopes so. I just hope I get to see some different shit. Ain't no one trying to watch this shit every week. We do that, we all might end up breaking shit, pushing people down stair wells and stabbing mother fuckers "on accident". You feel me? Yeah, more of everybody else...less of the two head cases.
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