The only entertaining thing in Episode 9 (or is it 10?) was this...and that was the man himself, Mike "The Situation". So fuck all the small talk and lets get down to business, shall we?
Left Hangin':
Lets be honest, Mike has feminine qualities. When I say feminine, I mean the dude gets ready like a little fucking bitch. Now that's not to say, chicks are little bitches when they get ready, but when talking about Mike, he falls into that category. I mean, for fuck's sake people, when did "5 minutes" turn into a goddamn hour, right? All the guys wanted, was to get a little din-din before going out for the night, but Mike had to create a fucking production. I get he needs to always look his "fliest" when in public, but damn Mike, it's just dinner mother fucker. And unless you're gonna be fucking the waitress while you wait for your goddamn lasagna platter, then yeah, I'm sure everyone in America (including your roommates) would understand why it's taking you 90 fucking minutes to put some baby powder on your sack while plucking your precious little eyebrows. But that wasn't the case. The fellas got fed up and basically said, "Go fuck yourself...we're hungry and we're leaving NOW." They bounce, he finally gets pimped out, then comes downstairs to find himself alone. Foodless.And.Friendless. Ain't that some shit, right? Wrong...Mike being Mike, always has solutions...
Not letting anyone or anything rain on his parade, he decides to make dinner for himself. However, I got the feeling, something must have hit a fucking nerve because as he was sitting alone at the dinner table, this dude decided to pull out the Crazy Spice card and start talking to his roommates as if they were there...enjoying a delicious fucking meal with the guy. Of course America got a good laugh seeing Mike make the most of getting fucked over, but for JWOWW, I really don't think she was amused. Sure she had that scared laugh while witnessing this imaginary conversation going on between Mike and the guys over some pasta, but you know this bitch was getting ready to call 911 if he tried to pull some Six Sense shit. Who wouldn't, right? I don't know many mother fuckers that eat dinner by themselves and start talking to people that aren't even present. But who am I to talk...I shat myself at a bar once and thought it was no big deal. Anyway, at the end of the day, Mike kept cool and got over it. It could have been worse...he could have pulled a Ron-Ron and started breaking everyone's shit while making their beds outside on the balcony, right?
Taking a Detour:
Either Snooki and Deena have to be the dumbest fucking bitches on this planet or "The Situation" is just a goddamn genius. Remember a few weeks back...Mike wasn't amused with anyone's "pranks" that were being pulled around the house? Only because these "pranks," were nothing but pure and utter child's play that should not be applauded or attempted. Basically, he said without saying, "These pranks have to be the dumbest fucking pranks America is witnessing. Pranks need to be something epic. Memorable. Thought out. My roommates pranks fucking suck." So to prove his point, what does he do? Pulls a prank on those Ewoks, Snooki and Deena...otherwise known as "Dooki".
Being the nice guy Mike is, he calls a cab for the ladies. What they didn't know was that where they thought they were going, was gonna be a good 60 minutes past their lovely destination. Let me ask everyone a question...now, if you were in a cab and knew where you were going, wouldn't you say something if you passed your exit or nearest cross street? Actually...if you were in a cab and the drive was 5 minutes long, then you realized you've been driving for I don't know, a fucking whole goddamn hour, wouldn't you have said something 20 minutes into the fucking drive? Hey, I know...who would do that? These two fucking broads, that's who?
Wow ladies, how did the both of you not realize you were in New York fucking City until you saw the goddamn Statue of Liberty? Seriously. Bravo for being two fucking retarded fucks. Amazing. And to Mike, America applauds you for basically getting a cab for "Dooki" and letting them figure out how to enjoy the ride, I guess. A good prank that went on longer than expected...thanks to two clueless, overly tanned, short, slutty sloots. Oh, and Snooks...don't try to be all fucking pissed off at Mike for pulling a great prank. It's not his fault that you and Deena are dumb as shit and don't know how far a 5 minute drive is from downtown Manhattan.
SURPRISE!!!:
The bitch is back. And let me just say, when you leave, stay gone. Lemme guess, you couldn't leave everyone else out to dry and you wanted to prove to yourself and America, that you were this strong woman that can handle any situation...blah, blah, fucking blah. Sammi, guess what. Since your back, you're still a cunt. That's right. Thanks for fucking up the dynamic in the Seaside house...AGAIN! Ron-Ron was slowly getting over you...about to blossom back into the old Ronni. The drunk Ronni. The "I'll hook up with any grenade" Ronni. Now you're back, and the madness is sure to begin...once again. Will it be bad? I'm almost positive it will be. I just hope someone gets blasted with a fire extinguisher this time. That would be pretty fucking cool, right? I guess we'll see what madness you decide to bring.
Shit just got interesting again folks. A big reason is because Sammi is back. The bitch is like fucking Satan. So evil that you need some of it once in a while. Tune in next week. I'm sure some more shit will break and more grown man tears will follow.
1 comment:
yeah, Ronnie's cut short laugh/smile when she walked in was priceless! The damn producers are probably fucking with them both by doing this so they can keep the ratings, but then again there really are dumbfucks out there like them, so who knows.
And boo-hoo snituation, boo freakin hoo..his ass got left and that was great!
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